Never change who you are for the comfort of others

Have you ever had friends question why you do certain things like, “Why do you do that, “You shouldn’t have done this,” and “She/he said that you shouldn’t have said that”? Do you have friends that make you feel like you need to watch what you say around others? In fact, some even tell you that you need to watch what you say.

If so, why the hell are you putting up with that? Recently, I’ve been in a position to ask myself just that and to contemplate these questions. At first, it really got to me. It seemed like no matter what I did, everyone seemed to have a problem with what I was doing. It could be something as simple as sharing a certain post on social media or commenting on a certain thing, even asking a harmless question. I had a nervous breakdown because I started to question my behavior and personality. It made me think, “Is something wrong with me?” If everyone is telling me there’s a problem with what I’m doing, there must be something wrong with me, right?

But then I began to really analyze my behavior in depth and the take the things they told me that I needed to stop doing into consideration. The more I began to look at my behavior, the more I realized it was just my personality. I’m always the one to crack jokes and playfully mess around with people. I couldn’t help how I acted or what I would say. I wasn’t offending anyone, or a religion, or culture. I was careful about that.

People were telling me that I would make too many jokes or my personality was too “out there.” They said that I needed to tame it down for people who I was just meeting or being introduced to. Granted, I wasn’t meeting the secretary of state or members of parliament. I was meeting regular college students who I didn’t feel the need to impress. People who know me say I can be really cool. You know that feeling that when you first meet people you’re shy, but when you really become close or get to know them, your crazy side comes out. Well, that’s just me; except, if you meet me for the first time, I’m the same exact person I will be tomorrow and days to come. I don’t hold back. I’m hyper and outgoing. I refuse to be shy and I refuse to be tamed. I am crazy but in a good way. I love making people laugh, and do so without trying. I know what my boundaries are but no matter who you are, you have to take me as I am. I am not going to change for you or anyone who’s close to me. If you don’t like it, there’s a door nearby; you can leave. I don’t mean to be harsh, but seriously. I’ve come to realize that I’m my biggest fan. I love myself and who I am. And those who matter love me, too.

I’m never going to be disrespectful or say something offensive, and if I ever do, I do so unintentionally, and you have the right to confront me about it, but you have to confront me then and there. I want to clear it up on the spot and apologize. I don’t want to be bothered about it a week later and make things awkward. What good is that?

Anything that comes out of my mouth is harmless and I not mean to offend anyone. 99% of the time I don’t but every once in a while I run into people who are super sensitive or can’t take a joke. It’s especially annoying when it’s someone who comes at you and that someone is who you considered your friend and has known you for a long time.

Those who stick around me, really unconditionally, like my personality. If you do end up sticking around, I REALLY like you! I enjoy your company because I can be myself around you. I guess you’re fun loving too. If I had to describe my personality, it’s a cross between Amy Schumer and Khloe Kardashian (in the sense that she’s really out there, and no topic or reference is off the table–sorry mom).

I’ll be who I am unconditionally and crazy if I’m at school, around my friends, at a party, or a casual gathering. Obviously, I have the brains to know that in a professional environment, I can still be outgoing and bubbly, but I have to tone it down in the sense that probably all the jokes and references I make can’t be said around certain people. I will follow the work guidelines and ethics. I will care and tame it down if my next paycheck is coming from you or if you have the capability to further me in my career. Something I will not risk. Besides I never even give myself the chance to open up in a professional environment because I am so focused on getting the job done. I am there to work.

Do not ever let anyone tame you or give them the benefit of having that power—especially, if you consider them your friends. People whom you vibe with or are your friends should stand up for you if someone has a problem. “Take me or leave me” that’s all it takes. If they tell you that a person said something about you and you believe them,  then are they really caring about you in the right way?

Sure, they might feel that they’re looking out for you and they don’t want you to feel left out or secluded, but if you’re someone like me, you’ll know that I don’t care what other people think. If you don’t like my personality, no one is asking you to hang out with me. I will tolerate your intolerance as much as you can tolerate me. But I will never ask why you are the way you are or say you should be different.

Everyone is the way they are for a reason. Do not apologize for your personality. Do not change who you are for the comfort of others. Those who matter and care for you unconditionally will stay.

Image: See Above

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