As 2013 has ended, I’ve very much looked back on the lessons I’ve learned throughout the year. They were mostly lessons boys taught me. I guess that was the problem. They were boys. Whether it was someone I dated or my friends dated, I couldn’t go through enough ‘bad date’ stories or looking back on having to deal with heartbreaks. This 2014, I’ve vowed to keep boys to the side and concentrate on school and work. I’ve actually been successful at it for the past 6 months. I can’t begin to tell you how much stress and drama was avoided.
When you’re dating or you’re in a relationship, everything takes time and money. Having to help a lot of my friends with their relationship problems was already time consuming. I literally heard every story in the book, every excuse either partner could give, and the warning signs when something didn’t seem right and was about to implode.
I had this one friend who was madly in love with this guy who she had been with since high school. They were together for three years. She was so in love, she was blinded by it. Let’s face it, we’re fragile and emotional things. Our emotions are not to be messed with. This ‘guy’ really changed after graduating high school. I guess the college-fratboy mentality got to him. He believed that he was, how can I put this lightly, THE SHIT. He believed that he could get away with anything and anyone.
Now, social media whether you want it to or not, plays a huge role in this generation. Whether you’re ‘FaceBook Official’ or not really defines things these days and sometimes, this can be a ‘warning sign’.
After college, the guy told my friend that his FaceBook was giving him problems and that being ‘FaceBook official’ was so ‘High School.’ He just didn’t keep a relationship status. She went along with it. THIS IS THE FIRST WARNING SIGN. As cheesy as it sounds, I knew something was up when I heard her tell me this. She avoided his excuse and believed she could trust him. In the next few weeks, his friend list increased tremendously and his new friends were mostly girls and then bam, one day this random girl wrote on his wall talking about a date they had and posted a video clip from a show that reminded her of it. HOW OBVIOUS WAS THAT? Boy, was he in hot water or what.
New standards means new rules. If you want to date in college, be careful. It’s college. Especially, if you’re in your freshman year, there’s a very slim chance any guy or girl can stay faithful. Newfound freedom can be a whole new ball game. However, I realized guys in their Junior or Senior year can be taken seriously. It all comes down to age and experience. Junior and Senior year is when boys become men.
If you plan on dating in 2014, date a man. There’s less chance you’ll be wasting your time and money, or that it’ll end in heart break.
What are the standards of a man? Well I’ll list them. But if you think that these standards are too high and there’s no chance you can find all of these things in one guys or at least 8 out 10, I feel bad for you. No offense, but you probable have a low image of yourself. There shouldn’t be a reason you don’t deserve the best.
1. Make sure his schoolwork and job are his main priorities.
If he is putting ‘Thristy Thursday’ before studying for a test he has the next morning, RUN.
2. Make sure he has a hobby.
If he is passionate about something like playing guitar or soccer, this is a good thing. It means he’s level headed and has sincere interests.
3. If he’s smoking pot and is partying almost everynight, obviously…do I even have to say it?
I’m one of those firm believers that pot is going to get you nowhere. A lot of people try and feed me crap about it’s being fine and saying, “I’m still a Straight-A student” and “it doesn’t effect my work or school.” Well, good for them. But scientifically, it does kill your brain and nerve cells. Pot restricts your thinking so you’re going to do and say dumb things when you’re high so why would you want a guy that could do that anyway. I don’t think it’s classy, either…
4. Make sure he has no problem posting pictures together on Instagram or FaceBook.
I get that some people don’t want anything about their relationships on social media, but it’s an easy way to see if he’s being honest or trustworthy. I’ve had too many friends whose boyfriends refuse that they post pictures of them on social media sites. Whatever excuse they gave, it is a clear warning sign. This could mean he’s hiding something and talking to other girls. He’s so not serious then.
5. Make sure he’s a family man.
See how he treats the woman in his family and what his values are. The way he treats his mother or sister shows the amount of respect he could have for you. And if you’re really getting serious, see if he’s good with kids. In some cases, there’s nothing hotter than a guy holding a baby!
6. Make sure he has goals.
If he has nothing to look forward to this is a clear sign you’ve landed a “bum”. If he has goals, he’ll most likely be setting a bright future for himself and one you could be a part of.
7. Make sure he surprises you.
One of the best things a guy could do is surprise you. Whether it’s with a romantic dinner or finding out he has a talent, it’ll always keep you refreshed and it won’t get boring.
8. Make sure he’s not materialistic.
The last thing you want is him caring more about his car than he does you. If his cover or profile picture his with him in his car and all he can talk about is what brand he’s wearing, RUN.
9. Make sure he’s willing to talk it out.
If something is bothering you make sure he’s willing to listen and compromise. This goes both ways!
10. Make sure he respects you and your values.
This is probably cliche but runs true. If he’s pressuring you for sex, run. If he’s trying to change your beliefs, and disrespects your family or values, run.
No guy is worth losing your values over or your self-respect.
Image: L. Gordan Brewer